How Sex Toys Help Close The Orgasm Gap

In heterosexual relationships, men overwhelmingly have an orgasm more regularly than women. This is known as the orgasm gap. From movies and TV making it seem like women always orgasm during penetration to not seeing foreplay as a crucial part of sex, there are plenty of reasons why women aren’t getting off. One way to close the orgasm gap is by  using sex toys — alone or together — so both partners get the pleasure they crave.

Here’s what you need to know.

Use Sex Toys Alone

If sex toys aren’t your usual go-to for sexual pleasure and masturbation, now is a good time to add them in. Think about what kind of stimulation you enjoy — many women prefer clitoral stimulation more than penetration. A  bullet vibrator, body massager, or rabbit vibrator could give you the pleasure you crave.

Masturbating alone is one way to achieve more orgasms. You’re exploring your body, and learning what really turns you on and gets you off. Adding a sex toy provides more sensations and excitement than your hand can do on its own.

Play with Sex Toys Together

Using sex toys with a partner does a few things.

• You show your partner what kind of stimulation you really enjoy.
• Sex slows down and becomes less about penetration and more about play.
• You get the pleasure you crave while you’re with your partner — instead of masturbating alone.

Too many heterosexual men believe that sex toys replace them or “prove” they’re inadequate in bed. When you can show your partner how to incorporate a sex toy into your mutual pleasure , it helps them realize that it’s an enhancement not a replacement. Ultimately, when you have better sex and pleasure, they can too. But sometimes they have to see it before they can believe it.

Take the Focus Off of Penetration

For many people, sex is all about penetration — a penis in a vagina. All the rest is “extra” or unnecessary. The reality is that sex is everything you do that creates pleasure. Intercourse, on average, only lasts a few minutes — regardless of what movies and TV would have us believe. And that’s okay. When both partners slow down and focus on everything else that feels good, you both have a better experience .

While you can use hands, mouth, tongues, fingers, and other body parts to create pleasure, sex toys add yet another layer. You can use them together with hands and mouths or by themselves. Kissing your neck while a vibrator buzzes on your clitoris might be exactly what you need from your partner. Using a dildo for penetration while sucking on your clit allows them to last longer and puts your pleasure at the center of the moment.

There’s no right way to incorporate sex toys into your sex life — only the way that works for you both.

Hit the Right Spot

While some women do orgasm from penetration, they are in the minority. The vast majority need additional clitoral or other stimulation or don’t feel orgasmic pleasure through penetration at all. Sex toys, once you find the right one for your body, are designed to hit your perfect spot. Exactly where you need it most.

Your partner can get what they need through penetration and you can get what you need with the help of a sex toy. In the end, you both have the pleasure you most want — together. The sex toy didn’t replace your partner; it helped him satisfy you. Assuming your partner wants you to be satisfied, this should be a good thing to him, too.