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Opening Up: Telling Your Partner About Your Submissive Side

Opening Up: Telling Your Partner About Your Submissive Side

  • Tuesday, 18 June 2024
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Sharing your deepest desires and fantasies with your partner can be a vulnerable and challenging experience, especially when it comes to discussing your submissive side. However, open communication is key to a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Here’s a guide on how to tell your partner about your submissive desires:

1. Understand Your Desires

Before discussing your submissive side with your partner, it’s important to understand it yourself:

  • Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your desires and what being submissive means to you. Consider what specific activities and dynamics you are interested in exploring.
  • Research: Educate yourself about BDSM and submissive roles to better articulate your thoughts and answer any questions your partner may have.

2. Choose the Right Moment

Timing is crucial when having sensitive conversations:

  • Private Setting: Ensure you have privacy and enough time to discuss without interruptions.
  • Relaxed Atmosphere: Choose a moment when both of you are relaxed and not preoccupied with other stresses or distractions.

3. Start with Honesty and Openness

Begin the conversation with honesty and a clear expression of your feelings:

  • Be Direct: Clearly state that you have something important to discuss about your desires and fantasies.
  • Use “I” Statements: Focus on your feelings and experiences. For example, “I’ve been exploring my sexual preferences and I’ve discovered that I have submissive desires.”

4. Explain Your Desires

Provide a clear explanation of what being submissive means to you and what you hope to explore:

  • Details: Share specific activities or dynamics you are interested in. For example, “I enjoy the idea of being dominated in the bedroom and trying activities like bondage or spanking.”
  • Boundaries: Discuss your limits and boundaries to ensure safety and comfort for both partners.

5. Address Concerns and Questions

Be prepared for your partner to have questions or concerns:

  • Listen Actively: Give them space to express their thoughts and feelings. Listen without interrupting and acknowledge their perspective.
  • Provide Reassurance: Assure your partner that your submissive desires do not diminish your respect or love for them, and emphasize that this is about mutual pleasure and exploration.

6. Suggest Exploration Together

Encourage mutual exploration to ensure both partners are comfortable and engaged:

  • Research Together: Suggest reading articles or books about BDSM and submission together to build a shared understanding.
  • Take it Slow: Propose starting with light activities and gradually exploring more intense dynamics as you both become more comfortable.

7. Maintain Open Communication

Ongoing communication is essential as you begin to explore your submissive desires:

  • Check-Ins: Regularly check in with each other about how you’re feeling and any concerns or adjustments needed.
  • Safe Words: Establish safe words or signals to ensure that both partners can communicate boundaries during play.


Opening up about your submissive side requires courage and trust, but it can lead to a deeper and more fulfilling connection with your partner. By understanding your desires, choosing the right moment, and communicating openly and honestly, you can create a space for mutual exploration and growth. Remember, the key to a satisfying sexual relationship is respect, consent, and ongoing communication.

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